it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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