she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize