Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
