so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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