'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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