I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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