i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she told me i tasted like america
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
