based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
