he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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