My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize