I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
