i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
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i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?