I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law