I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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