It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing