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the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
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