My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb