I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
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You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
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I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.