HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.