I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals