Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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