talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
