3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
