after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so let's talk penis.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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