giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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