My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
