Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
