And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
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HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
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He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
this hospital has no fireball
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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