She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
