Say something about gay babies.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm both gender and math confused
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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