so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize