so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
