Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
