My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
