Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
