I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
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we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
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She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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