if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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