1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
