im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
