i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I skipped work to stalk him.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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