Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
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My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Bring me that man meat
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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