I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
