he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
if only i could text you this smell
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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