just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
