I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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