My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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