What did we do last night that was yellow?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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