im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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