you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
