i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
