I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
