were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
