Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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