Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
