Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
