I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
