I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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