I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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