This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
