this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
