you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize