I think I can smell my own vagina right now
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
