I can tuck mytits in my pants
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
