look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
