Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
