Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
