I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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