I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
